Indecision
I’ve been struggling for a while with what I want to be when I grow up. (My whole life, perhaps??) I currently am a stay home mom, run a little online fabric shop, do some back-end web development, and occasionally sell cloth diapers online. Before I became a stay home mom, I was a web developer/applications programmer in an IT department out in the “real world.” Sometimes I wonder if I could go back to that.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids. I love that my daughter’s learning to read. I love that I’m here when my oldest gets home from school to hear about the cooking of eggs in FACS class (pretty sure this is what we used to call home ec.), the drug of the week/month in Health class (“Mom, did you know that meth is really, really bad?”), and the bus driver who seems to be trying to carve out her one little spot in the world where she has total control (assigned seats, anyone?). I love that my youngest thinks any kind of truck coming down our street is just fabulous, and that a good day is spent playing pretend kitchen, marching like a duck, vacuuming, and making a lego house for dinosaurs.
Sometimes, I just wonder if I could go back. Would anyone even want me back? Or would they just laugh and say, yeah, what you knew how to do was nice five years ago, but we’re onto newer and better things. Five years ago.
